ose characters. I like the fact that a film has been made up of a real (I want to say dysfunctional, but then I think we're all that to an extent) family. After the film Bob and I went for a walk. It was absolutley chucking it down with rain. I like those walks. Anyway. It got me thinking a lot, and I've meant to blog since then, but with being really busy, then ill, I kind of just didn't get round to it.There is so much of this film that stands out to me in so many ways, but one particular part is quoted as follows:
Dwayne: I wish I could just sleep until I was eighteen and skip all this crap-high school and everything-just skip it.
Frank: Do you know who Marcel Proust is?
Dwayne: He's the guy you teach.
Frank: Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh... he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18... Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school-those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that.
Although said in a fairly flippant way, there is a hell of a lot of depth behind what is being said, and it's made me think a lot about my own life, and the downs and ups. Between that and counselling bringing things to the surface that I hadn't thought about in years, I have been left feeling relatively confused of late. About the past, about some of the things my family has gone through over the last 5 or 6 years, and about how it has been dealt with.
I generally love life, and I generally strive to make the most out of it, friends, family, work, faith, whatever, I want to take hold of it and live it to the full. But by doing that opens up a whole can of worms, and I've got to say as much as I love living life, I do get down fairly easy. Generally this isn't a long term thing, I throw a tantrum, get up, wipe myself clean and move on...
But my family, like pretty much all families has gone through some shit. And it's not been good at all. It's tired me out, it's dragged me down, and left me feeling like life is all pointless, and a complete waste of time/energy. Yet it's in those times that I've learnt most about myself, and my faith in God. In those times I generally completley abandon God, or shout at him a lot. The best thing about that though is that He doesn't abandon me. He's right there, beside me all the way, and I think that that is just the most awesome thing. Happiness is amazing, and is not a waste at all, it should be taken and lived. But I also think sadness should. I like that idea. I like the idea of grabbing it with both hands and embracing it. Welcome the learning I am going to receive and what else it may change about me, and just walk through it.
Ok, so it really isn't that easy is it? Generally I dont walk through it, or embrace it. Instead, I hide in bed and shout at God over it. I would LOVE to be one of these people who can see the positive in a negative situation I am going through myself. Instead I crumble at the first hurdle and make it well known I have crumbled to those around me. So the question I'm left with I guess, is how do I remind myself in the crap times that things are going to get better, and that it's a great learning curve, when all I want to do is run in the opposite direction?! I dont think it's that easy, but I do find it an exciting challenge. A challenge I always fail at miserably. But one day, by the grace of God, I really want to succeed.
