Homeless and Hospitality

Last night I did Street Pastors. In all honesty, I didn't want to go out. Staying at home or going to MOSH both seemed far more appealing. Yet, as always, I came away feeling both refreshed and challenged, thankful, yet sad, contemplative of my own actions, and others.

I had a conversation with S, a man whose homeless. J went and get him a cup of coffee while I sat with him chatting. It opened my eyes immensely to what it was like to be homeless. He was bitter cold, hungry, and had nowhere to go. This is all fairly obvious stuff, but the things you kind of forget about are the insults they receive, the fact that people just walk past without saying a word to them, looking in the opposite direction, or avoiding all eye contact with them pretending they've not seen them.

Now, I'm guilty of the above. I frequently walk on by and ignore them or look in the opposite direction, and having talked to S last night I felt genuinely awful about it. He said that he felt some people were just so ignorant towards him, that they just walked on by and didn't say a word to him. He'd say things like 'have a good night' to passers by and get no response. Again, I'm guilty of the above. So the question I raise is what is better, acknowledging them, but not giving money, feeling obliged to give money/buy them a coffee, or just ignore them? After last night, I've realised I can't go on ignoring them. It's hurtful, and no matter how many times homeless people get ignored I can't imagine it hurts any less. It's rejection. No one likes the feeling of rejection do they?

My problem is, what do you do? One could give to a homeless charity and then walk by and greet the people, but then there's guilt and obligation to give to them as an individual. You could buy them a coffee or a big issue...Now I've been guilty of buying more than one of the same big issue before now off different vendors because I feel so awful that I've already brought one off the guy down the road that I have to buy another one... so we could end up spending money we just cant really afford to spend... so I'm stuck... anyone got any suggestions?

I guess, I was stuck on this one till today, and it's been something I've been reflecting on a lot throughout the day. I went to a relatively local Cathedral to see what youth provisions they have there, and the guy I was supposed to be meeting didn't turn up. I've got to say I was pretty annoyed. I'd spent an hour on the bus getting there, spent money to get there, given up my only day off this week to get there, just to be told he wasn't there and they couldn't get hold of him. Honestly? I wasn't at all impressed. I was less impressed by the fact the people who I spoke to were so unhelpful and unapologetic. Yes, there's only so much they can do, and no, it wasn't their fault, but they could have welcomed me there, instead of sent me packing knowing I'd just had an hour long journey to be told the person wasn't there. Anyway, I was sat down just getting myself ready to leave and a local URC minister asked me if I wanted to join their shared lunch. A group of people from a URC church down south somewhere had come to visit the Cathedral for the day, and this minister who was from a local URC Church had come to the Cathedral to welcome them, and share lunch with them. He welcomed me, talked to me, and shared his lunch with me. A small gesture, yes? But you know what, it meant the absolute world to me. The fact that everyone had literally turned their back on me, and been most unhelpful genuinely upset me, and disheartened me. Are Christians not meant to be welcoming and hospitable? Yet this one man successfully managed to wipe out all of that I felt. These people I'd never met before fed me. I ate so much food, and it was all from people from churches miles away.

My point is, it takes one tiny gesture to change a persons day. They had huge amounts of food, and letting me share that with them was nothing, and yet to be welcomed in that way, by others who weren't even from that church was immense. Mother Theresa once said:

'What we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But if that drop was not in the ocean, I think the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. I do not agree with the big way of doing things.'

In my experience this is so true. Those little things that people do on a frequent basis are so much more important to me than a one of grand gesture.

So maybe, we should not necessarily be thinking about giving half of our money to homeless or, spend huge amounts of money trying to pull off a big event for our young people. Though we can do that it is not always necessary. A simple stopping and talking to, or greeting someone on the streets, buying a homeless person a coffee, or bag of chips, or listening to our young people intently seem to have far more of an impact. It takes so little out of our time to do an act of random kindness yet the amount it touches another person is incredible. That's certainly not to say we should be doing kind things to benefit ourselves, but it is so nice to see other people happy. One small drop can make someones day. That man today made mine, and I think the guy who brought that homeless man a bag of chips yesterday made his. It takes nothing to do that. Nothing.

Think about it eh?

Lack of updates

Well, I've not been updating this bloggy on a frequent basis for quite some time now. That's for numerous reasons. Partly because I've nothing of importance to say/reflect on, I'm stupidly busy, and... I'm happy.

I finished my counselling sessions on Wednesday. Partly because I was getting sick of them, and parlty because I genuinely didn't feel like I had much to say to her anymore. I was telling her I used to have weight issues when I was a teenager the other day, and she called me large. Hmm. I dont think she meant it how it came accross, but to me that's a really insensitve comment as a counseller, and that's just one example. So, yeah, I gave up on it. It was a waste of time really, and I dont have much time to waste at the moment!

Anyway, I've had a lovely day today, - S's baptism this morning, and then Prayers with Songs this afternoon. It all got me thinking about Taize again. I know I go on about it, and I probably sound like a broken record, but it changed my life. Dramatically. I can't express how, and I want to be able to, but it really has changed me. I guess the main way is that I have a desire to live now. Which is pretty huge really. Ok, so I'm not happy all the time, but then who is? But the matter of fact is, I actually want to live life, no matter what it throws at me, and that really is big.

The problem being, I guess that I wanna live life, and I want to rebel a bit. After all, isn't that what being 20 and being at uni is about? I quite often feel like I dont have that opportunity as much with the degree I'm doing. So when I do, I go all out, and then wonder whether that was the right thing to do. We chatted about what the ideal Christian should do the other day at college. It was the same old stuff - don't get drunk, don't sleep around, don't waste money, blah blah blah. Ok so I don't sleep around, but I get drunk, I waste money, and I do pretty much everything else on the list, that I apparantly shouldnt be doing. Sigh... So I raised this with my group, and also raised the fact that I'm thoroughly enjoying life, and what I'm doing with it, and have also previously had some absolutley awesome conversations about my faith with people when I've been in MOSH. I basically got knocked down a peg, and was told that it was a dangerous life to lead, and that by doing that it was causing big dips in my faith. I disagree with this greatly.

My faith is the most important thing in my life, but to be quite honest, the concept of the ideal Christian life bores me stupid. I did that from the age of 10-19... It seems like the Christian ideal means you can't go out and have any fun no matter what that may entail, or you can but dont forget, it has to be in moderation... I know that's not actually the case, but that's how it feels, and yet if I go out and have the wrong kind of fun I eel judged beyond belief. Who are they to judge though eh? God is the ultimate judge. So why is it then, that sometimes it doesn't feel like it?

I'm truly sorry if you dont like the way I live, or the fact I am a realist. I'm sorry if you think I'm too liberal, or that my way isnt the right way. It probably isn't. But you know, I live out my faith by loving others, and listening to them. I don't do it by condeming their actions, and I'm not going to let people condemn mine. Yet somehow it seems that in the very nature of this post I am letting people condemn my actions, and letting it tear apart my beliefs, and what I stand for.

In essence Christianity confuses me greatly, and most of the time I'm ashamed to admit I'm a Christian. Not because I'm ashamed of my faith or what I believe, far from it. But because I'm ashamed of the portrayal of Christians in todays society. Asking numerous people what the concept of being a Christian is, and they don't respond with "to love", they respond with "to judge". Why have we let this amazing proclomation of love, life, and ultimate sacrifice, become nothing more than judgement? As I have previously said, God is the ultimate judge, we should love others no matter what.