Things I want to do with my life...

So... I was on facebook this morning and added the 'Interests +' application to my profile. There is a section on there called 'Things I want to do with my life'... I added the following things (in no particular order):

Enjoy life
Get Married
Write a book
Make other people happy
Help others
Be happy and laugh a lot
Have children
Serve God
Adopt a child
Learn new things

I am currently wondering how many of these things I will actually do, and how many of these things are actually in my control. I am also wondering if I worry too much about how many of these things I'll get to do...

The important ones to me are: Enjoy life, Make other people happy, help others, be happy and laugh a lot, serve God, and Learn new things.

The things I really want, but know I could do without are: get married, have children, and adopt a child...

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to get married. I guess it's the ideal isn't it? You find someone, you get married, you have a few kids, and live happily ever after. I want these more than anything, but wonder if it will ever happen. Yes, I know I'm only 20 and have a long time before I have to make these desicions, but it is something I wonder about. I guess part of me also wonders if anyone will ever find me good enough to spend their life with? I like myself a lot lot more since I got back from Taize, and I am trying so hard... but I do honestly have to question if I am good enough to have a family... if someone would ever like me enough to spend their whole life with me... I wonder if I am capable of bringing up children, and if anyone would ever actually let me adopt anyway...

Then I'm brought back to God... actually yes, He thinks I'm good enough, and if it's in His plans (whatever they may be...) then someone else will think I'm good enough... and I'll either have children of my own or adopt... I dont even mind which... I just want children so much...

Does everyone think they aren't good enough...? I worry sometimes it's just me. That's not meant in a self-obsessive way, but I do... even though I know it's not the case...

The more important things:

Serve God...

Ultimatley I guess this is the one thing I want to do with my life, and I guess that with this a lot of the other things in my 'important list' would get covered too... I still don't know if God calls people, or if he just puts strong desires on people's hearts, or in fact if they are the same thing... what I do know, is that I want to learn to know God better, and that I do need to trust him more. If I do this, then maybe, just maybe, I'll find it a little easier to serve the big guy...

Enjoy life...

Sometimes I regret being such a dull teenager and never going out and getting drunk blah blah blah... and then I think hang on a minute, on a life scale, those things are boring, and mundane, and actually although I like doing those things they DON'T actually help me to enjoy life in the big scale of things... I guess I need to embrace things a little more...

Make other people happy...

I often need to be needed... it's not always the case, but I so desperatly want to make others happy and help them out where I can... I guess if I can't make someone happy I feel like I've failed in some way... yet it's not actually in my power to make others happy is it? Sure, I can help, I can be selfless, and do stuff to contribute to making others happy, but ultimatley it's not just upto me... And I guess sometimes, I need to realise this, so that I don't feel a huge sense of failure if I can't make someone happy or help them in the way I want to

Learn new things

My fieldwork tutor is amazing! He must be in his 70's and is still so hungry to learn... Since starting this degree he has been a massive inspiration to me... he's humble, and has an amazing inner peace/strength about him, which I can only put down to his passion for God, and helping others. He is open to learning about whatever he can, and I find that so inspiring... If I could be half of what Terry is at his age, I think I'd be happy

I guess the point of this post is to question how important some of those things are on that list... How much do I actually need to worry about them, and how much do I need to hand them over to God...? It's not easy to do that though is it?